Tuesday, February 1, 2011

he knew the claims were bogus. he knew they were bogus when he and his "market research" team for which he served as head made them up. the idea was that:
a. the consumer is gullible/stupid (a fair assessment for anyone to make)
and that
b. they were prone to if not unusually eager to believe any claim which promised them better overall health
and also that
c. they would buy any product claiming to improve their health or at least one aspect (not matter how inconsequential) of their health

he also knew that FDA regulations on such claims were light and that they allowed him to make such outrageous claims as:

"the cure for cancer"
or
"the anecdote for AIDs"

as long as an asterisk was provided along with a vague explanation at the bottom of the box or, his favorite place to hide them, inside the box, in faded print that was barely discernible against the flacks and speckles of cardboard, asserting that, at least in one case, there was substantial evidence (even if it was anecdotal) to support these claims despite there being no real scientific correlation between the two. as long as he did these things--which were no sweat off his back at all--he was in the clear and could invent these ridiculous fabrications to his snide little heart's content.

the AIDs claim came from a professor at some obscure university he more or less paid to say that the product cured AIDs. this way: the quote was authentic, if not incredibly fallacious and misleading, and passed all the breezy requisites set forth by the FDA. no, it did not actually cure AIDs, but someone at a university (and therefore credible--at least in the public eye) did say that and that was enough to convince anyone.

naturally: people were skeptical but they bought the products by the boat full. even if they didn't have any of the ailments advertised as curable by the product on the box, they figured it was at least a good precautionary measure in the event that they did develop them one day or become infected with them so that the product became somewhat of a sensation as a cure-all vaccine, touted in the media and colloquially as the next proverbial apple--for which it's said the doctor is kept away by daily consumption, making the apple a doctor's biggest threat to business and least prescribed treatment.

one day: at a conference celebrating a very unhealthy snack bar which the man and his research team decided could cure lupus, the man was confronted by an actual lupus patient who had stopped taking his medication in lieu of three daily doses of the snack bar, also replacing all the man's meals. he swore that the product was effective and he wasn't being facetious, either. he legitimately believed the snack bar--pumped so full of trans fat and virtually no redeeming nutritional perks--actually improved his overall health and condition. this was a conviction of his.

the snack bar was called "loopies" in reference to the sickness it promised to cure.

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