i want to say beautiful things

i saw a sign this morning
on my way home from work
commanding me
to turn right on e. thompson rd
it was a sign for a spa
something-or-other
i thought it was odd:
minutes before
after i was leaving the
employee parking lot
immobilized bodily by heartburn
and reeling mentally
from the excessive amount
of caffeine i'd sifted from
a standard size bottle of soda
(which also explains the heartburn)
i thought about how
attractive it is sometimes
to want to do things which
seem conventional--things like
giving my dad a gift card
for father's day in lieu
of something tacky yet meaningful
or wearing clothes that are
not necessarily in style
but ubiquitous, shrouding the sleek bodies
of people who have their act together
people who buy gift cards for
their dads for father's day
because the thought comes
automatically to them
there's an allure in this type of
thinking
and doing
and me
being the contrarian that i am
and always have been--i always have to
do the exact opposite of what's conventional
(does that make me sound like an obstinate
middle-schooler?)
sometimes: i get excited (not in any sexual s&m way/dominant and submissive role-play, etc.) because it seems so wrong
to be obedient or to want to be
obedient
like following orders from a large sign
telling me directly to turn this direction or that
when i get to this road or that one