nosedive into obscurity

it's become rather difficult, if not impossible, for me lately to see things in terms of right or wrong, black or white--red, white, and/or blue. i take in everything, all at once, objectively. maybe not objectively, but something very close. and the world becomes a mucky, muddled mess of man-made make-beliefs and disenchanting truths.
i don't believe in morals or morality anymore. i can't support a system rooted in ambiguity. it puzzles me, truly, that people can be such staunch advocates for this or that cause or opponents of this or that issue and toss around words like "rights," used in the sense that each person is entitled to or given such and such luxury by nature (or god), without any strong evidence to support their claim. perhaps, if there existed some sort of universal book or document on the matter, i'd be more inclined to join the effort, jump on the bandwagon. sadly, though, and it truly is sad, no such text exists--not one that has managed to transcend religious or cultural disparities anyway. so, i mean, though i desperately want something in which to invest my entire faith, being, support, i know this idea is foolish--despite seeming otherwise.

i believe in nothing. and it breaks my heart.

the truth is, we as humans, are, and always will be, unable to come together on any one issue. there is no one idea that people will unanimously get behind. sure, there will always be a majority, but a majority is not everyone. the majority decides, for everyone, what is and is not acceptable for the entire population or a certain faction. and if someone disagrees, there is a conflict.
there will always be conflict.
ironically, this is harmony.
this is the ever-present dichotomy which i am attempting to see beyond, remedy. surely, it will take a mind far greater than my own to accomplish this feat, but...hey, if it passes the time, keeps me entertained for awhile, why not?
everything is fleeting, i know, but it's the illusion we impose upon ourselves, or accept blindly, that our decisions bear some kind of significant weight in the world, that we have the ability to change things--this is ultimately what makes life seem worth living. it's a day-to-day thing and, as of late, it's become so incredibly boring to me. so exhausting. in my mind, i am able to fully grasp this long series of ups and downs, the constant pleasure and pain i'll be made to encounter in my lifetime, and it depresses me. it really does. i know what's going to happen before it happens. and i know what i may feel is important today, won't be important a few years, days, centuries from now. and that's really disconcerting. nothing i do matters. at all. in any significant way. i'm here. i do this. i do that. and then i'm dead. and that's pretty much it. so, what's the point? i have no ambitions anymore. and if morals are defined by some sort of ultimate goal, then why try to adhere to them when you know it won't matter a few years down the road? why try if you know that, right now, in some other part of the world, your system of morals are the complete antithesis of someone else's system? there is no right or wrong, so why fight to keep these ideas alive?