slip between the cracks

i've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. i've tried describing my symptoms to several people close to me and i'm having trouble articulating exactly how i feel.

i think i'm exhausted. i feel like a hysterical housewife at the turn-of-the-century who could benefit from a rest-cure.

the trouble, i think, is that i'm spread so wide. i can't decide what i want to do or who i want to be. i want to do everything and be everybody all the time. i know it's foolish to think i can do this or to attempt it--even if it is out of my control. it's completely debilitating but i don't know what to do to stop it. there's just so much i want to accomplish right now and i feel like if i don't act on it immediately, it'll never get done. i willhave contributed nothing artistically and all this creativity and effort will go to waste.

i want to be in a relationship. i want to be in a band. i want to write songs. i want to write words and stories and poems and watch movies and write about those and make insightful diary entries and think of funny things to send my friends in txt messages because that's what maintaining friendships is all about and i want to maintain my friendships. but it's so difficult to attempt all this at once. i need to narrow my focus. murder one task at a time. otherwise: i become bogged down--inundated with all this bullshit--this urgent compulsion to create.

the problem is: i focus on one thing and then another thing pops into my head and i feel like i need to address that first before i can complete the original task. inevitably: something else creeps in and then i have to address that too until my brain just accumulates so much--so many tasks--that i can't make sense of it all. like a kid in a candy store who wants everything he sees but is only allotted enough money for a few pieces of candy.

it's horrible.

i'm going to talk to my doctor today and try to get this sorted out.