dear hulu, mediafire, youtube, netflix, amazon, google and other sites i frequent on a near-daily basis,
pleez pleez pleez
could you pleez continue to ruin my daily browsing experience with more advertisements i don't and probably never will pay attention to. i've come to depend on your ineffective marketing strategies in recent years and i don't know where i'd be or which products to purchase without your helpful intervention. thanks for pointing me in the right direction. nothing makes me want to rush out and buy buy buy something more than having my favorite programs and content interrupted by irrelevant advertising no doubt pushed by greedy suit-sharks with no concept anymore of how the human mind works--being so detached from the human experience themselves as a result of having spent the last thirty years of their lives cooped up in board rooms devising ways to dupe the general consumer. as a general consumer, myself, i just want you to know, that it's working. it's really really working. not only are your ads highly relatable and funny and quotable and cutting-edge and provocative (believe me, i talk about them everyday at work with all my best friends for life by the water cooler--i'm probably going to name my first born "wassup!"), but they're totally working. i swear. they really are.
i don't know how you do it. some say subliminal advertising is a sham. but i for one can attest that it is in fact a reality. i catch myself sleepwalking, in the middle of the night, sometimes, to the local supermarket, inexplicably in search of the latest holiday-themed corn chips.
thanks for carrying on that great american tradition of wrongfully taking what was once free and more or less the property of someone else (the internetz) and corrupting it with archaic ideals that have proven historically not to work; conquering vast stretches of free content and commodifying it in the name of enterprise. you truly are pioneers.
fuck you
-working class rube
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