dumb-old

II.
they are sitting at a picnic table, the red and white checkered tablecloth caked in birdshit and failing obscenely to conceal its natural form--like a fat girl in hot pants and a belly shirt. uncle, he says, what's lover's leap?
lover's leap? uncle says. lover's leap is a thing which they used to call these high places, natural formations in the earth, these high cliffs which would inspire stupid star-crossed teenagers like romaine and julietta to leap to their deaths in the name of love.
what do you mean in the name of love? he asked.
what do you mean what do i mean? i couldn't expect an idiot like you to understand something like the name of love. you can't even piss straight let alone grasp these high-minded concepts of things. how do you expect me to explain something as complicated as lover's leap to you for?
he went on selectively nibbling at his carrots and other veggies.
i'll tell you. it's not like you hear about in things. lover's leap is all storybook, fonzie. and not in a good way. it's a bad and terrible thing. it's a suicide-thing. and suicide is murder. that's a sin. no matter how sexed-up and love-lorn you're feeling.
he paused for a second, raising the soiled napkin to the carnivorous debris all about his mouth.
you understand what i'm saying to you, right? it's a sin, fonzie. a sin. and sins is wrong. because that's what the bible tells us so. you understand me?
yes, uncle, he said. i understand sins is wrong. but i like the idea of lover's leap all the same.
uncle laughed.
well, you know something. that's ok. cause you're too dumb and worthless yourself to ever get an opportunity to consider something like lover's leap for real. you understand me, fonzie? you're too stupid and ugly, you wouldn't know what to do with a girl if you got one. she says jump and you stay-put and there she goes a-plummeting to her death. you want that on your conscience, fonzie? you want that on your mind come judgement day?
no.
imagine how stupid you're gonna feel when here comes God and he's reading back to you how you couldn't even think to jump to your death when you're supposed to on account of you being so dumb and ugly and that poor soul wasting her life in your name.
in the name of love?
no. not in the name of love. in the moron-name of fonzie. imagine someone throwing it all to piss for a dumb-old name like fonzie.
he looked up, visibly hurt and somewhat confused.
forget it, uncle snapped. eat your taters.