verbal punching bag

i don't know what's wrong with me--why i feel so disenchanted lately. i think it may have something to do with an overdose on experimental faulkner. i've immersed myself in a world too brilliant for my eyes. i need sunglasses. painkillers.
it' s the weirdest thing:
i'm driving to work and it's not me making those sharp turns but it's in that narrow maneuvering that i'm aware of my head--metacognition times one million.
work is unbearable. i can't see the words anymore. my mind is a mess. i need a doctor. or better pills than the ones i've been prescribed.
read an excellent editorial by steve albini today dealing with the shady nature of the music business. stuff i'd already kind of suspected but never looked into, for fear my dreams would come crumbling down. alas, they have.
even if we get a contract (which is highly improbable, i know), our projected cut is absurd. in theory, we'll making the business millions while accruing massive debt for ourselves. and that's how it works. unless you're freaking radiohead.
i don't even know why i bother with it at all. there's no market for the kind of music i want to make. even my closest friends hate the songs i write.
i'm just so sick of all the rocknroll cliches--the excess, the stupid formulaic songs, the girls, the drugs, the classic rock tropes which have been exhausted, taken out, bloodied and beaten and bruised, thrown back on the fryer, reconfigured, reprocessed, repackaged and sold to the hipster-centric consumer time and again.
there are about five bands i listen to--all the others are just variations of these bands. if you can't do something innovative, your best bet is to plagiarize the shit out of someone you like. but that's not the kind of music i want to make. i want to make something that people can connect to--something heartfelt and not off-the-cuff rehashing, plug-n-chug indie-pop. i'm so sick of these bands that get recognition simply for sounding like other bands people like. where's the innovation in that? i know people notice because they tell me all the time: dude, you've got to listen to so and so, they sound just like neutral milk hotel! if i want to listen to a band that sounds like neutral milk hotel, i'll listen to fucking neutral milk hotel.
we live in a remake culture.
i wouldn't have a problem with this except that these carbon copies offer nothing new. there's an extent to which you can rip off somebody and still manage to produce your own signature sound and, more importantly, leave room to expand upon or improve the foundation laid down by the original artist--to take what someone else has done and make it better--yet these bands and these artists don't seem to grasp this concept. they simply take what's been done and mimic it, parrot it right back to the idiot public who preys upon this kind of garbage. i just don't get it. i want to say it's wrong--that they're being taking advantage of, but i'm not sure that's the case. and if it is, i'm not sure i really care. it's hard to feel sorry for anyone that retarded.
anyway.
yeah.