I work with this kid. He's not really a kid. He's only four or so years younger than me. And he's already married and has two kids. He's the guy I used as the basis for the story I wrote a couple entries back (which I've already abandoned because I have no faith in anything I do). I like this guy. But he's kind of backwards. The first wedding he'd ever been to was his own. They had the ceremony at some hotel downtown--I can't remember which. I want to say the Marriott, but I don't know if that's right. The way he talked about it, it might have been the first time he'd ever left his small town and ventured into the city. He said the whole experience made him nervous.

He does odd-jobs on the weekends--farming-type stuff. Because he knows how. And he tells me (I was unaware of this) that there's a difference between "chew" and "dip" and that he "chewed" before his girlfriend (now wife) made him quit.

I asked him one night if he listened to country music. He said yeah and then he asked how I knew. I told him it was the camo trucker hat (which he wore the first day he worked in our group but hadn't worn since). It felt wrong telling him to his face that I was able to determine what kind of music he listened to based on how he dressed. But he asked. And it was pretty obvious. It's always obvious. I was also able to guess (though I can't say how) that he probably listened to a little rap and some modern butt-rock bands like Nickelback or Staind--which also proved to be true. I guess there's just a type and you can tell from the way they talk or the way they look--it's in their complexion, I think. It's funny that you can reasonably measure up someone and all they stand for based just on how they look or how they talk--what words they use and how they express them. It's subtle. But you really can tell. Kids in college towns don't talk like kids in post-industrial cities. Kids from Bloomington don't talk like kids from Indianapolis. They are better spoken. They choose their words carefully.

But I digress. The reason I bring this up is because I wanted to paint a fairly accurate picture of this kid before explaining how he makes me uncomfortable. We're at the point now where he slaps me on the back or punches my arm in a way that doesn't hurt because he doesn't want it to hurt because he wants to be my friend. But he says things sometimes that make me think I've gotten myself into a situation that would be too difficult to get out of. Not that I don't enjoy his company. I do. But I sometimes feel less than honest when he says things about "queers" and I have to laugh because I don't want to explain to him that I don't hate homosexuals and that, actually, I'm a pretty big advocate for gay rights. It's not that I don't want to offend him. I mean, I don't. I just don't want to have to explain myself and open doors I'm too lazy to open. It's the same reason I don't tell people I'm a vegetarian. Because you can never just tell someone that you're a vegetarian. You have to explain why you're a vegetarian. What made you choose to become a vegetarian. If you live in Indiana, you have to explain to them that, yes, fish is still meat and that people who eat fish but not other kinds of meat are called pescetarians. What? they'll say. Pesk-uh-tarian you'll be forced to repeat (if you're lucky only once because it's not a very sexy word and they probably won't want to commit it to memory so they'll just give up). And then you'll have to explain to them the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian because they're nephew (you'd like him, he's kind of artsy like you) doesn't drink milk from cows so does that make him a vegetarian? And yadda yadda yadda. Etc.

So this is what inevitably happens: because I'm too lazy to explain myself or I don't feel like I can adequately explain myself, I don't. And people just assume that I believe what they believe or that we hold the same values, share the same sense of humor, etc. As is the case with this guy.

But: like I said, I genuinely do enjoy talking to him. He's a hillbilly but he's not a White Trash Larry the Cable Guy hillbilly. That is: he's not a hillbilly from the city. He's still retained the old-school hillbilly way of talking slow and dispensing common sense wisdom unexpectedly--like he's thought deeply about everything even if he's never touched a book that wasn't divided into an Old and New Testament.

I'm going to end this right here because I'm tired and I want to go to sleep.